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双语:妈妈的交友之道最易“教坏”孩子

2015-12-13 编辑:admin 来源:中国教育信息网 阅读次数:
  导读:   查看原文   The manner by which a mother interacts with her friends serves as a role model for how an adolescent child develops his/her own peer friendships。   Unfortunately, teens often pick up on the negative elements in a relationship,...

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  The manner by which a mother interacts with her friends serves as a role model for how an adolescent child develops his/her own peer friendships。

  Unfortunately, teens often pick up on the negative elements in a relationship, such as conflict and antagonism, and then copy these attitudes into their own relationships。

  The new study investigated a previously understudied association —how a parent’s friendships influence the emotional well-being of their adolescent children。

  For the study, doctoral student Gary Glick and Amanda Rose, Ph.D., studied the development of friendships and other peer relationships during adolescence and their impact on psychological adjustment。

  They found that adolescents may mimic the negative characteristics of their mothers’ relationships in their own peer-to-peer friendships suggesting that mothers can serve as role models for their adolescents during formative years。

  Additional findings suggest that adolescents internalize their reactions to their mothers’ conflict with adult friends which may lead to anxietyand depression。

  Previous research of this type focused on elementary-aged children, but MU researchers wanted to expand their study to focus on the formative adolescent years。

  Youth ranging in age from 10 to 17 and their mothers were polled separately to measure perceived positive and negative friendship qualities in both groups。

  Results showed that positive friendship qualities were not always imitated by adolescents; however, negative and antagonistic relationship characteristics exhibited by mothers were much more likely to be mimicked by the youth studied。

  “We know that conflict is a normal part of any relationship —be it a relationship between a parent and a child, or a mother and her friends —and we’re not talking physical altercations but verbal conflicts,” Glick said。

  “But being exposed to high levels of such conflict generally isn’t going to be good for children. Parents should consider whether they are good role models for their children especially where their friends are concerned. When things go awry, parents should talk with their children about how to act with their friends, but more specifically, how not to act。”

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  妈妈们与朋友之间的相处方式,在一定程度上是给未成年孩子们处理自己同龄人间友情的一种示范。

  不幸的是,青少年往往会挑出那些处理友情的消极做法,比如闹别扭,对着干,然后把这些消极的态度搬到自己的友情处理模式中。

  新的一项研究调查表明,过去一项并未被充分研究的问题——家长[微博]的交友模式是如何影响他们的未成年孩子原本存在的纯洁情感的。

  在读博士加里格里克和哲学博士阿曼达後瑟对于青少年如何处理友情的不同阶段发展变化、其他同龄青少年的交友方式及其对心理调适的影响,进行了研究和分析。

  他们在研究中发现,青少年模仿妈妈们在交友处理问题上一些不好的做法然后照搬到自己的交友模式中,这也同样表明了妈妈们在交友之道上对孩子们起到的模范作用是十分重要的。

  另外研究还发现,青少年孩子们面对妈妈们与成年朋友间的一些争执和对立产生的心理反应和采取的内心回应致使他们出现消沉和焦虑的心理症状。

  以前对于这个问题的研究集中在了小学学龄的儿童上,研究学者们希望把研究对象扩大并集中在青春期形成阶段的青少年们。

  专家们对一些10到17岁的青少年进行实验研究,并将他们的母亲分开实验,在两组中分别地纪录了一些她们积极和消极的交友做法。

  实验结果显示,积极的关系处理做法并不总是被青少年们采纳;然而,消极的关系处理做法,甚至是一些对立关系的做法却更容易被孩子们模仿和接受。

  “我们都知道争执矛盾是任何人物关系中很正常的一部分 - 不论是家长和孩子的关系中还是母亲们的交友关系中 - 我们不是在说身体上的争执而是言语上的对立。” 博士格里克这样讲道。

  “然而如此过激的对立暴露在孩子们面前是十分不可取的,这样对孩子百害无一利。家长们的应该考虑到自身的所作所为、言谈举止是否成为孩子们的榜样和示范,特别是当他们学到的举止言行影响到交友和朋友的关系上的时候。当发现苗头不对,家长应该和孩子们进行谈心,告诉他们该如何对待朋友,更重要的是,什么是不该做的。

  (译者 刘晓蒙 编辑 丹妮)

 

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